Characters: A lot of nations. In this chapter: America, Austria, Belarus, Belgium, Canada, England, the Netherlands, Norway, Prussia. Mention of others.
Warnings: No serious story. No serious pairings. No serious author. Also a slow author.
Summary: The story of Avenue Q rewritten to fit the characters of Hetalia. Complete with France as Lucy.
Eeeh. I'm such a slow writer..I'm sorry.
Arthur looked at the newcomer, still grumpy about the fact he got rejected again ánd hit by his soon-to-be-wife.
“So...what's your name?” he asked him. It wouldn't really surprise him if it was a foreign name like Siegfried or Matthijs, although he looked too feminine to be from Germany or from any of the Low Countries. The stranger looked back, still touching his head where the keys made contact.
“...I'm Erik. From Norway.”
See? A foreigner after all. “Oh, well, nice to meet you. I'm Arthur.” He waved vaguely in the direction of Elise. “And.. this is my fiancé.”
The woman smiled sincerely at him and her eyes twinkled when she looked curious at the newcomer, Erik. “My name's Elise.” She glanced at her British partner. “And you're so cute... so beau. Ben je single?” She laughed at his confused face before giving him a wink.
She got a stare back. “Yes, I'm single.”
Elise subtly pointed to Roderich – or how far pointing 'subtly' went and giggled. “Because you know, he's single too...”
“Elise!” The Austrian didn't like to be teased. And he wasn't looking for a relationship, just a muse...
“That's Roderich, Roderich Edelstein. He's a so-called musician and a selfproclaimed aristocratic gentleman,” Arthur told the Norwegian. “He lives in the building, too. We all do.”
Roderich straightened his back and answered the greet. “Guten Tag.”
The quiet and serene air was quickly disturbed when Roderich was almost hit by a garbage bag that suddenly appeared out of nowhere. How weird it may sound, this sort of events were almost normal in Avenue Q. They just happened to have an albino neighbour, who told everyone he was from Prussia. Which was impossible ofcourse. The country Prussia didn't exist anymore. His name was Gilbert and actually came from southern Germany. He also had a brother Ludwig, but both their appearance and personality were quite different.
The Austrian glared at the albino, who was hanging out of the window. “You were really trying to hit me this time!”
Gilbert laughed it away. “If I really wanted to, the awesome me wouldn't have missed you, ha!”
The guy, who stood behind Alfred Jones all the time, spoke softly. “Gilbert, you can't do that!”
“Goodmorning, Gilbert,” Arthur greeted him, being the British gentleman he is. He would probably get a rude response back, or no response at all; after all, that was just Gilbert. He almost got hit by a garbage bag, too.
“I have no time for you. I'm busy with...awesome things. I'm busy.” With that, he closed the window and disappeared. The Belgian woman walked up to Erik.
“Hij is een pervert you know...” she whispered. “So don't spend time with him.”
The man just stared at her, emotionless. He wasn't someone to show his emotions, if he had any. All those different people... they were pretty interesting, though. The loud Alfred Jones poked him; he realised he'd been dozing off with his thoughts.
“Come on, I'll show you the place around here!” Obediently following him, Erik could hear the Alfred look-a-like muttering.
“Sure, I get to do the administrative stuff once again, eh. Not that you could manage it anyway...”
Alfred ignored him and pushed the Norwegian forward. “Come on! We're very cultural here, it's lots of fun!”
Elise waited until she was sure the two couldn't hear her anymore. Then she nudged the Austrian, who seemed a bit too quiet. A knowing smirk formed on her face. “Sooo...what do you think? Très mignon, not?”
Being the noble and honest man he was, he had to admit it. The new blonde was ...fairly attractive. His hair colour reminded him of a certain someone, but if he just ignored the sad memories of that certain someone, the guy was.. okay. And cute too, actually... “Ah..yes, he is.”
Elise's smile grew bigger. “Then go after him! Emotionless guys would appreciate music played by the slender hands of a schöne Frau...”
“I'm not a woman!”
“But then again, he's wearing a hairclip too. You two are perfect.”
Before the Austrian could respond, she clapped in her hands and stared at her fiancé. “And you, Arthur. Find a job! Schiet op!”
A sigh could be heard. “Fine, fine...”
Natalia was happy. She was alone, had this small apartment all for herself and no one who'd annoy her or bug her. No, this was her evening. Now she finally could read one of her favourite books, a book the Dutchman hated; '101 Belarusian ways to get the man who you want'. No one who could bother her. No. Roommate. Ah, how lovely was the silence and how lovely was it to not smell that disgusting stuff he put in his pipe. Who smoked a pipe these days anyway? Ah, the evening couldn't get any better than this.
She hid her annoyance behind her book, although it was clearly heard through in her voice. “Hi Villm.”
The tall male glanced at her book, but decided to say nothing about it. She didn't seem to be in a really good mood. Maybe it was time to cheer her up. “Guess what happened with me this morning! First there was a woman..I think she was Polish. whistling and waving and smiling, being all cute... she surely must've thought I'm straight!”
Natalia got confused. “You're not?”
The man ignored her. “Then I met this Italian guy and he did exactly the same! Smiling at me, talking to me...”
“Interesting.” Needless to say it was sarcasm.
“He was really friendly. I think hé might've thought..that I was gay...”
The Belarusian glared at her roommate over the cover of her book. “That information iz not relevant. Vhy are you telling me this? I don't care. Vhat..how was the veater?”
Willem grinned at her, although he had no idea what she meant with veater. “So defensive, Natalia...” he teased.
“Nyet! I'm not getting defensif! I don't care about it.”She was about to throw her book at him, but that would mean she'd lose the last barrier between her and her oh so annoying roommate.
“It's just that I respect other people's sexual orientation, no matter how and who they are. You too should be able to talk about it, Natalia...”
She cursed in herself when she realised she had no knife near her to throw. Or any other object that would stop the Dutchman from talking like this. “Nyet. No more talk. Conversation is over.”
“Ja, maar...” he started, knowing it would piss her off more.
“Over!” she yelled, driven to the edge of sanity.
Instead of being intimidated, Willem just shrugged his shoulders. He walked over to her, snagged her book out of her hands and looked in her furious eyes.
“Goed, goed.. but so you know.. Natalia. If you were gay.. or lesbian, all the same.” It earned him a glare.
“That'd be okay, perfectly fine. Everyone is bisexual by default anyway.”
Natalia stared and glared at him, after she got her book back he was holding loosely in his hands. What was that idiot thinking? What a nonsense! How could people be bisexual by default if there were asexual people, too? Just ignore him, she told herself. Just ignore him...
“- I'd like you anyway.”
What? Was he even clean?
“Because you see, if it were me...I would be free to say that I was gay. But I'm not gay,” he said, ignoring her glare and continuing to be annoying. She was just so easy to tease. In fact, a bit dangerous as well.
“Leave me alone, I was reading!” Hiding her face behind her book, she made another miserable attempt at ignoring him. Willem just walked over to her and smirked. Natalia now threw her book at him with all her might and was despite the situation she was in quite pleased. The man got hit full on his nose and one side of the book left a large scratch on his left cheek. It didn't stop him from teasing her, though.
''If you were queer, I'd still be here you know. Year, after year, after year,” he paused and glanced at her, smiling still. “...after year, after year, after ye - ”
“Point has been made,”came her grumpy answer.
“Because you're dear to me.”
“And I know that you'd accept me too, if I told you today... I'm gay. But, I'm not gay. I'm bisexual from origin and converted to heterotism.”
By this, Natalia just glared at him. She was so sick of him, really. He was a nice guy. Sometimes. When he wasn't smoking. Or teasing. Or drinking. Or being the selfish, rabbit-obsessed, and overall stupid neat-freak he usually was.
“ - it matter to me what you do in bed with girly guys? I know about that Lithuanian from last week. You know, the one with that long, silky soft chestnut brown hair on shoulderlength and those big worried eyes, looking at you with such an intense scared expression.”
“Villm, you're vishing to be buried. Alive.”
Just like the other times, 'Villm' ignored her. “If you were gay, I'd cheer and shout hooray. And here I'd stay, I like it here. You can do all you want, I won't get in your way. Do I ever?” Yes, a tiny voice popped up in his head and he smirked. The Dutchman grabbed her hands and pulled her of the couch.
“You can count on me to always be beside you every day – and night, too if you want - ”
That earned him a Medusa-like glare.
“ - to tell you it's okay, you were just born that way. Just like everyone else was. Everyone is bisexual by default, did you already forget it? As they say, it's just in your DNA Natalia, you're gay.”
“I'm not gay!”At this point Natalia managed to get one of her hands free – he had an amazing firm grip on her wrists. She slapped him against his already bruised cheek and let out a small laugh when she saw his cheek turning lobster-red.
He stared at her, hand against his hurting cheek. “...if you were gay.”
They didn't speak to each other for the rest of the evening.
beau = beautiful (French)
Ben je single = are you single (Dutch)
Guten Tag = good day (German)
god dag = also, good day (Norwegian. I hope. xD)
Hij is een pervert = He is a pervert (Dutch)
très mignon = very cute (French)
Schöne frau = beautiful woman (German)
schiet op = hurry up (Dutch)
ja maar = yes but (Dutch)