Character(s) or Pairing(s): Germanic!Family, FemGermany, France, FrancexFemGermany
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: Louise is finally bringing her boyfriend Francis to her home to meet her family. Her entire family. Her entire insane overly protective family.
Francis blinked as he sat up in his bed. A glance at the nightstand clock told him that it was nearly one in the morning and a look on his other side showed that his girlfriend was no longer in bed with him.
He groaned as he stepped out of bed, quickly putting on his robe and slippers, in the shape of hearts a present from Louise, and walked through their apartment in search of his girlfriend.
He found her in the living room, wearing his oversized t-shirt and slippers, a phone in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other. Her eyes were closed and she was speaking in German.
Thankfully he learned German in an attempt to understand her when she yelled at him.
“No, no.” she said massaging her forehead. “Mother. Trust me, there is no need.”
His ears perked up at the word mother. She never mentioned her family.
“Mother please.” she rolled her eyes. Then blinked in surprise at seeing him.
“What are you doing up?” she asked pressing the phone into her chest.
“Missing you.” he said with a smile.
She smiled back. “Give me five minutes and I’ll be with you.”
In response he sat down on the couch next to her.
She returned to listening to her mother. “Mother no. I know that. But…mother please.”
Francis raised an eyebrow at her. “Family problems?”
She shook her head. “Family reunion.”
He brightened. “Wonderful, when is the date?”
She shook her head. “Not going, fighting with mother on this right now. Yes mother I am still here.” she said into the phone.
“Why not?” he asked quietly.
“Trust me.” she said. “It’s better for the both of us if we don’t go.”
Her mother said something on the other line and she retuned her attention to the phone. “Mother…it is one in the morning. I will call you back.” she said before putting the phone back in its case.
She sighed as she leaned onto Francis’ chest.
“Family.” she said. “Can’t live with them.”
“Can’t live without them?” he suggested.
She shook her head. “No, just can’t live with them.”
“Oh come now cher they cannot be that bad.” he protested.
She looked up at him. “The only reason you say that is because you have never met my family.”
“They cannot be that bad.” he repeated.
She sighed as she sat up and turned to face him. “You want me to count them off for you?”
“Shoot.” he said confidentially.
“Okay.” she said. She raised her hand and lifted one finger. “Starting with my father then.”
“My father was in the army, the marines, the navy, and a few others that you will have never heard of. He owns his own business and is one of the richest men in Germany. He is completely emotionless; I can count on one hand the amount of times that I have seen him showing emotions of any kind. He has permits for owning and shooting guns and he collects them as a hobby.”
“My mother is my father’s complete opposite, my siblings and I still have no idea how they got together. She is wild, will say the most inappropriate things at the most horrible times, and is that girl that every boy’s parents warned them about and then they went to meet behind the sheds and behind their parent’s backs. My siblings and I sometimes suspect that she has a criminal record that my father helped wipe clean.”
“Then my siblings. There is my eldest brother Roderich.” she continued. “A complete music crazy nut. He plays in an orchestra and was once married; unfortunately they divorced because he was more in love with his music than her. We also suspect that he is gay and is in the closet so far that he is finding Christmas presents. We also said that he is so strict and his back is so straight because of the long stick lodged in his ass.”
“My elder brother Gilbert now. The complete copy of our mother. And part of the reason that Roderich and his wife split up because he was sleeping with her.”
Francis blinked in surprise. “Your second brother…slept with your first brothers…wife?”
She nodded. “In his words, ‘Roddy has no idea how to please a woman.’”
“…please. Go on.”
“My third brother is Vash. We still have no idea what his job is. Police, immigration, FBI, something. All we know is that he had inherited our father’s love of guns and he uses them for his work. At a normal point of the day he can have about five to eight guns on him, on a bad day I’ve seen him take off about fifteen guns off his body. He is overprotective and prone to shoot first, shoot second, shoot third, and maybe if you’re still alive ask questions.”
“Then my little sister Lili. She is the quietest most trustworthy person you can find. The only normal person in the family besides me. Small, petite, and not to be underestimated. She looks innocent and naïve and she doesn’t look it but she also inherited our fathers love for guns. She always has about two guns on her as well.”
“Then my cousins. There is Berwald who is in fact gay and is married to a man named Tino. Every time I saw him I almost cried as a child because he has this face that makes you think that he just escaped from prison and now he wants to kill someone. I once saw him stop a chainsaw with his bare hands. Tino is a very cute nice man but when you make him angry he will pick you up and throw you through the walls of the building.”
“My uncle Mathias is my father’s younger half-brother from his father is an alcoholic and a bit axe crazy and is constantly invading other people’s personal areas.”
“My cousin Ingi is Mathias’ son, as Gilbert puts it, is a suspicious and somewhat lazy bastard. He also has a pet puffin.”
“My other uncle Nikolai is my father’s other younger half-brother from his mother’s side…”
Francis felt a sweat drop roll down his neck. How many family members were there?
“…is a lot like my father. Emotionless, and reclusive. He doesn’t like to get involved with other people.”
“Berwald's and Tinos adopted son is my second cousin Peter who is energetic and very strong. One kid punched him in the chest and the kid broke his hand. Peter didn’t even do anything.”
“That is my father’s side. My mother has two cousins. Cousin Lucas is a solemn, a neat freak like me, a downer, and a scheming older brother. For my fifth birthday away from my parents he handed me a pipe, tobacco, and something I believe was marihuana.”
“My cousin Clara is his younger sister and his complete opposite. She is sweet cute and almost flirty.”
“Is…is there more?” Francis asked weakly his head spinning.
Louise shook her head. “That’s the lot of them.”
Francis swallowed as he shook his head as if he had water lodged in it.
“So when is the reunion?” he asked.
Louise blinked in surprise. “You’re…you’re not serious.”
“Oh but I am. I wish to meet your family.” he said.
“But…my family is insane.”
“Everyone has family members that they are not proud of and that they wish they couldn’t call their blood.” he said.
“You just described my entire family.”
Francis took her hands in his. “Love. I want to meet your family. Regardless of how insane they are.”
Louise looked him in the eye. “My family is severely over protective. They will swallow you, chew you up, spit you out, and then hit your dead carcass with a shovel, an axe, and guns.”
“I will take that chance.”
Louise shook her head. “You are insane.” she said before picking up the phone once more. She dialed the number while shaking her head.
“Mother?” she said into the phone. “Yes. Yes. No. Mother. I am coming to the reunion and…” she threw a hesitant look at Francis who nodded his head in encouragement. Louise sighed. “And I am bringing someone with me.”
“At least we are leaving during spring break so I am not missing any classes.” Louise said as she packed her suitcase.
“How are your kids out of curiosity?” Francis asked.
“College students hardly count as kids.” she said. “And they are fine. I made it quite clear on the first day of school that I do not tolerate any childish behavior.”
Louise wringed her hands together. “Are…are you sure that you want to go Francis? There is no obligation here.”
Francis laughed. “I am sure, I honestly want to meet your family. Why are you so tense?”
“Well…I’ve only brought home one person to meet my family and they always go crazy and overboard.”
Francis took her hand and kissed the back of it. “Don’t worry, everything will be fine.”
She sighed. “If I could only believe one of those things.”
One they were on the plane to Germany Louise looked at Francis and said “Last minute reminders.”
“Okay.” a bemused Francis said. “Begin.”
“My father and my brother Vash love to intimidate people. They will either have a gun on their laps during some point of the visit and make sure you see the guns. Do not let them see that they intimidate you or else you are dead.”
“My family is severely old-fashioned. Hence the way I speak and the way that I refer to everyone by who they are to me. You will call the males there by ‘sir’ and the women there by ‘ma’am’ or ‘madam’ unless they tell you otherwise.”
“You have a penis, that means that my mother and my cousin Clara will automatically love you, mostly because they had believed that I was a lesbian throughout my high school and college life, and that also means that all the males in the house will hate you and want to castrate you. At some point of our visit my father and brothers will take you somewhere and interrogate you. Please answer truthfully because they can tell if you are lying and they have nothing against using torture.”
She took note of Francis’ sudden pale face. “Still want to go? I can make a few phone calls and I can have us tickets somewhere else in a few hours.”
He shook his head. “No, no. I want to go.”
Louise bit her lip as she looked out the window.
“Why do you not want to see your family so badly?” he asked.
She sighed as she looked down at her hands. “The reason I choose a college in France was because of something that happened there. I needed to get away, and I do miss my family badly but I don’t want them to scare you off.”
Francis laughed. “They will not scare me off cher. I love you too much to leave simply because of your family.”
Louise managed a smile. “Ready to hear more?”
The smile fell off Francis’ face. “There is more?”
Louise licked her upper lip in thought before she started. “We are able to trace our family back for generations upon generations. I think that if I spent the day in our library and our family records I could trace it back to the Germanic tribes, that is about the Roman Empires time. One part of our tradition is to buy our children the iron cross necklaces.” she said as she pulled down her shirt slightly to show her necklace. “It’s not passed down the family per se, each child gets one and it’s always a new one.”
“A family member has been in every war that has been held in Germanic history. Prussian, Austrian, Holy Roman Empire, German, Sweden, Denmark. Germanic land we had an ancestor in a war representing that country. My great-grandfather was in WWII.” she said almost hesitantly.
“So was my great-grandfather.” Francis said. “The nurse that helped heal his wounds later became my great-grandmother.”
Louise smiled. “That is so cute.”
Francis watched the scenery pass by him as Louise talked with the cab driver in German. When she leaned back and smiled she said “You have no idea how much of a relief it is to hear my wonderful mother language everywhere again.”
Francis smiled and took her hand. “I bet.”
She intertwined their fingers together and squeezed his reassuringly. “I am sure that everything will go fine…I hope.”
The cab stopped for a moment. Francis looked out the window, all he saw were a huge black gate and a guard walking towards them.
Louise stepped out the cab for a moment and talked with the guard. Francis saw him nod and walk back to the little booth as Louise slid back into the car.
“They are opening the gate, when they do just continue driving please.” she told the driver.
He nodded and obeyed as the guards opened the gate.
“Love?” Francis asked turning to her.
“Are you sure we are going the right way?”
Louise looked amused but didn’t say anything until the car stopped once more. She pointed out the window.
Francis turned and felt his jaw drop. They had arrived at a castle. There was no other word for it really. It was tall and majestic. It demanded respect and showed the age it had achieved with grace and beauty. It was straight from a history book.
“Welcome to my childhood home.” Louise said amused.
She paid the driver and pulled Francis out of the car to the trunk where they took their luggage.
“Louise!” a woman’s voice cried happily.
They turned and Francis had the time to see a white blur go by him and nearly tackle Louise. Louise in turned smiled and nearly squealed as she hugged the woman.
“Mother!” she exclaimed.
“Come, come. Let me see you.” her mother said taking a step back. She raked her hand through Louise’s hair almost mournfully. “You cut your long hair.”
Louise shrugged. “You know I never liked long hair mother.”
Her mother almost then immediately saw Francis standing there. Her red eyes widened. “And who is this handsome fellow?”
“This is Francis mother. He is my boyfriend.” Louise said.
Her mother grinned almost evilly as she pushed back a lock of white hair. “Louise darling. You said you were bringing a friend over, you said nothing about a boy.”
“I didn’t think that was important mother.” Louise said.
Francis took a step towards her and extended his hand. “Francis Bonnefoy madam.”
Her mother took his hand in both of hers tightly. “Maria please. None of this madam stuff, it makes me feel old. So you are my daughter’s boyfriend.”
“Louise’s boyfriend?” a male voice said. Francis turned around. Almost as if from nowhere had appeared a man who could have passed as a male Louise. Ice blue eyes locked in on his place.
“Louise’s. Boyfriend.” he said slowly.
Francis forced himself to nod and extend his hand again. “Francis Bonnefoy sir.”
A moment passed before Louise’s father extended his hand. The shake was gentle but Francis was able to feel the muscle and the strength in that one hand.
“Alvar.” he said.
“Father.” Louise said coming forward. She embraced her father tightly. “I missed you father.”
Alvar embraced Louise tightly as well as he continued to look at Francis over her shoulder. “I missed you as well daughter.”
Maria clapped her hands. “Well now that we all know each other. Francis Louise come in. you two are the first ones here.”
Louise took her place by Francis’ side and smiled encouragingly.
Francis tried to smile back.
‘This is going to be a long vacation.’ he thought.