Author/Artist: Me, Angi!
Character(s) or Pairing(s): America, England, mentions of Canada, Japan, France, and Tony; slight implied USUK, slight UsCan, slight UsJap
Rating: PG13, I think.
Warnings: Slight blink-and-you-miss yaoi, implied character death in-game, swearing, nations getting sick, America's hyperactivity, England's tsundere-ness.
Summary: America and England play Oregon Trail. What wacky wackiness will occur?
My first fanfic, so it might suck. A lot of this was taken from a Let's Play.
As America loaded up the game, England was not amused. "Why are we playing this again?"
America laughed. "Cuz it's the best game ever in the history of ever!"
"I'll be the judge of that." England said with a sigh. "Why am I even here?"
"Cuz this game is too epic for one person to handle!"
On the "Choose Your Wagon Party" screen, America listed his name at the uppermost blank and filled in three of the four blanks below Party Members with "England", "Canada", and "Japan". "Hm, who else, how about France?"
"Do you really want that frog here?"
England sighed again. "Oh fine, it's your bloody game as long as that wanker does nothing perverted."
"I don't think it's even possible to in this game." America inputted "France" in the last blank, chose "Doctor" as the occupation, "cuz doctors are heroes,"and clicked the "OK" button to move on to the next screen.
America then chose to leave in April, and on the "Matt's General Store" screen, he filled in the seven blanks to "buy" 10 oxen, 15 sets of clothing, 20 boxes of bullets (20 bullets per box), 3 spare wagon wheels, 3 spare wagon axles, 3 spare wagon tongues, and 1500 pounds of food, spending $780 out of the $1200 the game has given.
After clicking the "Buy" button to continue, America clicked to continue from Independence Missouri "where the Yankee Doodle music plays all the time! BEST TOWN EVER!" England sighed once again. America is just too excitable.
"And we will be going at a Grueling Pace with Rations at Filling! YEAH! Hardcore stuff! Look at them GO!" Yes, much too excitable.
After a moment, the wagon on the screen reached Kansas River Crossing. When America clicked to continue a window popped up: "You must cross the river to continue. The river at this point is currently 649 feet across and 8.6 feet deep in the middle." Four choices were shown under this message: "Attempt to ford the river, Caulk the wagon and float it, Take the ferry across, Wait to see if conditions improve."
"We are taking the ferry, my friend!" When America clicked the ferry choice, another message window poped up: "The ferry operator said that you will have to pay $5.00 and have to wait 6 days. Are you willing to do this?" America clicked "Yes" to continue.
"Six days?! This is the longest bloody game I've seen in my life!"
"Well, time passes real fast, so we won't wait too long..."
Soon enough, the wagon started to ride the ferry boat across the river.
"Don't you dare sink!" America told the wagon on the screen.
"This is a great voyage so far," England commented sarcastically.
When the wagon on the boat reached the other side of the river, a message window popped up: "The ferry got your wagon and party safely across."
"Awesome, we didn't sink!" America cheered.
America clicked the "Continue" button. "Let's continue our awesome journey of awesomeness!"
The wagon reached Big Blue River Crossing. Another window popped up when America continued: "You must cross the river to continue. The river at this point is currently 241 feet across and 4.8 feet deep in the middle." Three choices were shown under this message this time: "Attempt to ford the river, Caulk the wagon and float it, Wait to see if conditions improve."
"Yeah, I'm not taking that chance." America chose to caulk the wagon and float on the river.
"Yeah, people drowned in less than this."
The wagon tipped over in the middle of floating. "NO!" America cried.
"If I died, I'm leaving."
"What did we lose?"
Another message window: "The wagon tipped over while floating. You lose: 1 wagon axle."
"Phew that's all we lost," America sighed in relief, "Thank God."
After that little incident, America continued. After a while, continuing past Fort Keamey and Chimney Rock, another message window popped up: "You found an abandoned wagon containing: 1 set of clothing, 1 wagon axle."
"Cool, a replacement for the axle we lost!"
"You stole from dead people, you prat!"
"How do you know they're dead?"
America clicked to continue, After passing Fort Laramie, another window popped up: "England has a fever." America clicked "OK."
"Hmph. You don't even care that I'm sick, do you, just continue on your damn way."
"Well, normally I WOULD stop, but I found out that if you continue, especially if you're a doctor, more than likely the teammates recover."
Another message: "England is well again."
"OK then! That was fast!" America laughed again.
The wagon on the screen approached what seems to be a mysterious white mass.
"What is that?" England asked.
"Uh, good question actually. Kinda looks like a UFO."
"What, is there probing in this game? Will you get probed?"
"Pfft, you wanna see my a-"
"NO!" was England's rushed answer, "Er, what I meant was..."
Another message appeared: "A blizzard delayed you 1 day."
"Wait, a blizzard in APRIL?!" America questioned incredulously.
"Is this game even accurate?"
"It's accurate with everything else..."
When the wagon reached the white mass, the two nations discovered the mass was actually Independence Rock.
"So we started off in Independence, Missouri, then ended up in Independence Rock?"
After continuing, yet another window popped up: "You see a grave near the trail." The words written on the pictured grave were "Here lies Tony: FUCK!!!"
"Oh God that was from when Tony was playing earlier!" America realized with a laugh, "I didn't know it did that, show graves from the game overs! That's a great feature!"
Even England couldn't keep from chuckling a bit. "It's impressive, I'll admit."
"But now you know Tony failed, and wrote 'fuck' on his gravestone."
"I would be honestly surprised if that twat's parting words were not 'fuck,'" England commented.
When the wagon reached South Pass, a message with two choices appeared: "Which way do you want to go? 'Head to Fort Bridger to buy supplies.' or 'Take the short-cut to Green River Crossing.'" America chose to take the shortcut.
"We're one month into this journey! Told you time passes real fast!"
England made a noncommital noise in response.
When the wagon reached Green River Crossing and America continued, another window popped up: "You must cross the river to continue. The river at this point is currently 411 feet across and 41.5 feet deep in the middle." Four choices were shown under this message: "Attempt to ford the river, Caulk the wagon and float it, Take the ferry across, Wait to see if conditions improve."
"LET'S FORD IT, no." America chose the ferry option. Another message: "The ferry operator said that you will have to pay $5.00 and have to wait 1 day. Are you willing to do this?" America clicked "Yes."
"Right, I'll use instant growing powers I don't bleeding have!" was England's sarcastic response.
"Don't you dare sink." America told the boat; it sank. "Shit."
"You shouldn't have said anything, America."
"Shut up. Who all died?"
The message window that appeared answered America's question: "The ferry broke loose from moorings. You lose: 7 oxen, 8 sets of clothing, 66 bullets, 1 wagon wheel, 2 wagon axles."
"Damn! At least no one important died THIS time."
America opened the Status Menu. "What do I have left?"
Listed under "Current Supplies" were: "Oxen: 3 (That sucks), Sets of clothing: 8(24 pounds)(That's okay), Bullets: 334(34 pounds) (Good), Spare Wagon Wheels: 2(80 pounds), Spare Wagon Axles: 1(70 pounds), Spare Wagon Tongues: 3(150 pounds) (All good), Non-perishable food: 960 pounds, Perishable food: 0 pounds (All good), Money: $410.00. (Good.)
America closed the Status Menu and clicked Continue.
"You should buy more oxen."
"Yeah, at the next fort we'll stop at, I'll buy some more"
However, America clicked the "Hunt" button. "You know what? Let's hunt for a moment."
They were taken to a hunting minigame; America's mouse turned into crosshairs. After some rabbits and a deer walked in view from the left, America clicked on the deer to shoot at it. It got away, however.
"Damn, these bullets are slow."
A few buffalos walked in from the right, and America shot one, though it didn't go down.
"Dude, I shot you! I shot you dead!"
Two more slow bullets went into the animal and it finally fell. America clicked "End Hunting" and a message appeared: "You shot 297 pounds of meat, but will be able to carry back only 200 pounds with the help of party members. You used 4 bullets. If you continue to hunt in this area game will become scarce." America clicked "OK" to end the minigame.
"Did you get anything?" England asked.
"Yeah, I got some of the buffalo I shot."
Another message window appeared a while later: "Canada has cholera."
"NO! Not Mattie!" America cried.
A few seconds later, another message appeared: "You lose 18 pounds of food due to spoilage."
"Damn, eighteen pounds of food I just shot got spoiled!"
"You've doomed us all Alfred, what have you done?"
"If Mattie dies, I'm gonna cry."
After a while, America noticed, "Now we're going a lot slower, what the hell?"
"Get out and push, you prat."
"Oh, so funny Iggy."
"Don't call me 'Iggy.'"
A little while later, the wagon approaches a man standing over a pond.
"And how I love over here," America moved the mouse to the man, "there's a guy, like, just standing over and poking a pond. Let's run him over! Take his stuff!"
"America!" England exclaimed, "I thought I taught you better!"
"I'm just kidding! Geez!" America laughed.
Another pop-up message: "Heavy fog. Lose 1 day."
"Are you serious? You waste an entire bloody day? Hmph, I'd hate to see this set back in London."
After waiting a day, America continued.
"Go faster, Wagon! This is supposed to be a grueling pace; what the hell? Why are you so slow?"
"But we were going FAST! Status Report." America opened the Status Menu; listed under Current Health, all of the Party Members are listed as "Fair" except Canada.
"That's because Mattie is sick. Blame Canada!" America continued after closing the Status Menu.
After the wagon moved a bit longer, another message appeared: "Canada is well again."
"Mattie's better, let's go faster!" America cheered.
After passing Soda Springs, America clicked the Pace Button. "Are we going at a Grueling Pace or what?" He clicked "Grueling" in the Pace Menu, hoping to go faster.
Another fort is coming up, Fort Hall.
"A fort made up entirely of a hall. That doesn't sound very secure, America."
"Yeah, I know. The fort is a lie!"
A few seconds later. "My God this wagon needs to go FASTER! It's as if the wagon will explode if it goes over a mile an hour!"
"You ARE going one bloody mile per hour, aren't you?"
When the wagon finally reached Fort Hall, America clicked the "Buy" button.
"Ok, I'll buy three more oxen..." He typed "3" in the Oxen blank.
"Will three be enough? You lost seven of the daft twits."
"Well, we technically need only one to keep going. And I'll rebuy the stuff that got lost..." America filled in "1" and "2" in the Spare Wagon Wheels and Spare Wagon Axles respectively.
"And I'll buy more food." He filled in "500" in Pounds of Food.
"And two more clothes just in case." America typed "2" in the blank for Sets of Clothing and clicked "Buy." However, a message popped up: "I'm afraid you don't have enough money to pay for all those things you're trying to buy. You'll have to go back and buy less."
"Damn it." He clicked "OK" and compared the total cost and the money he had left.
"We're ten bucks over. All right, keep the damn clothing, for all I care." He removed the "2" from the Sets of Clothing space and left it blank. He then clicked the "Buy" button to leave the store.
"Go!" America continued. After a while, another message popped up: "England is sick with typhoid fever."
"This is your second time getting sick, Iggy!"
"I said not to call me 'Iggy!'"
"Yeah, normally, I'd make a comment on how nothing happened to Japan yet, but I'm not jinxing it."
"Well you just jinxed it, idiot."
Another message: "Bad Water."
"Oh my god Death Water! Touch it and you die!"
"You play some strange games..."
The same message appeared seconds later.
"More Death Water!"
After that still another message: "No Water"
"Now there's NO water. Bad water two days in a row, then no water at all."
"Your health is Very Poor," England pointed out the status on the side of the screen.
The wagon reached Snake River Crossing. When America clicked to continue another window popped up: "You must cross the river to continue. The river at this point is currently 1000 feet across and 12.1 feet deep in the middle." Four choices were shown under this message: "Attempt to ford the river, Caulk the wagon and float it, Hire an Indian to help, Wait to see if conditions improve." America chose to hire an Indian (actually a Native American) and another message appeared: "A Shoshoni guide says he will take your wagon across for 3 sets of clothing. Will you accept this offer?" America chose "Yes."
"Hold on, America, whose clothing?"
"Ha ha, good question."
"Let's give him the bloody frog's!"
"Sure what floats your boat. PFFT, we're floating on a boat right now!" America laughed.
When the boat crossed the river, another message window appeared: "You had no trouble floating the wagon across."
The "Bad Water" message apeared again.
Another pop-up window appeared: "Japan has a broken arm."
"Ok. Since everybody's getting sick, and our health is very poor, let's rest for a few days." America clicked the "Rest" button. He chose to rest for "5 days."
A moment later, another message appeared: "England was near death, but the doctor was able to help."
"See, I DO care about ya, Iggy!"
"It's a good thing I rested too, or else you probably would have died."
After resting, the wagon got moving again. As they passed Fort Boise, another message pop-up appeared: "No grass for the oxen."
"We don't Care about the stupid oxen!"
"They are nothing more than daft tools to us."
"Status Report." America opened the Status Menu. Everyone listed under Current Health is stated to have Poor health except Japan and England.
"I still have that Typhoid."
"Kiku's arm is still broken too." America closed the Status Menu and clicked the "Rest" button.
"We shall rest for three days!" America typed in "3" and clicked "OK."
A while later another message appeared: "France has the measles."
England cracked up at that. "Serves him right for being a bloody perverted tosser all the time!"
Once more, after the wagon started going again, a message appeared: "Canada is suffering from exhaustion."
"Mattie's exhausted from sitting in a wagon!"
"You're killing us Alfred."
"No! Don't die on me guys! We're, like, right there! There's one more after Grande Ronde, and we're DONE!"
After arriving, another choice menu appeared: "Which way do you want to go? 'Head to Fort Walla Walla to buy supplies.' or 'Take the short-cut to The Dalles.'" America chose to go to the Dalles.
Yet again, a message window popped up: "You lost trail for two days."
Still another message appeared. "England was near death, but the doctor was able to help."
"Hm. This always pops up the most often. Just for you though, Iggy. And when I'm a doctor."
That disturbed Arthur. "Then everyone else died?"
"Yep, pretty much. If they don't get terribly sick they don't die."
Yet another message appeared: "France is well again."
"Damn, no more measles for the bloody frog."
Once again, still another message pop-up appeared: "Broken wagon tongue. Do you want to spend a day trying to fix it?" America chose "No."
The message after stated: "You didn't try to fix the wagon tongue, but you replaced it with supplies."
"Because that's what the spares are for."
"Now I'm somewhat expecting your wagon to bloody catch fire or something somehow."
"Dude, don't say that! It might actually happen!"
Once more, a pop-up message: "England is well again."
"Woo-hoo!" America cheered.
"There's the landmark! We can do it!! Kiku, Mattie, don't you guys DARE DIE ON ME!!! We're, like, RIGHT THERE!!!!"
Yet another pop-up message: "Canada is well again."
"YES!! Now all that's left is you, Japan! YES YOU CAN!"
When the wagon is almost at the Dalles, the third to last message popped up: "A fire in your wagon destroyed: 34 bullets, 3 wagon wheels, 1 wagon axle, 270 pounds of food."
England was speechless. America was not.
"ENGLAAAAND! You shouldn't have said anything!!"
"I.... you're right."
"Now we lost thirty-four bullets, four wagon parts, and a crap ton of food!"
The second to last message: "Japan is well again."
"And Kiku's broken arm somehow fixed itself."
When the wagon arrived, America cried "We're there!! Now for the most epic part of the game!" When the choice appeared to either "Take the Barlow Toll Road" or "Raft down the Columbia River," America chose to raft down the river.
The wagon rafted down the river to Willamette Valley in the form of a fast minigame, as America tried not to collide with any of the rocks. "We better not die."
"Don't say anything, idiot, have I taught you nothing five minutes prior?!"
"Okay, it would suck if the wagon caught on fire in the middle of THIS!"
Both nations had a chuckle out of that.
Last message of the game: "You made it down the river!"
"Congratulations! You have reached the Willamette Valley!"
"Yeah! We did it! We Won!"
The next screen showed America's date of arrival as July 20, 1848 and Wagon Score of 1613, and afterwards, America was listed in the "Oregon Trail List of Legends."
"I admit this wasn't complete rubbish."
"YEAH! Best Gameplay Ever!"