Anna "Xailyn" Gouvisis (koenig_cupcake) wrote in hetalia,
Anna "Xailyn" Gouvisis


 I'm just going to make this brief because this was JUST brought to my attention, and I'm having a slight panic attack over it.

This years Hetalia shoot had been moved because our original location was closed for the weekend. We tried meeting somewhere, but it was too small. Someone decided it was a good idea to lead everyone outside of the Hynes and down the block outside to the Prudential center for the shoot.

I was just informed that this was a bad move. There was a Holocaust Memorial a block away. And it had slipped my mind that it was Easter this weekend...And we were heiling for one picture. I feel so...I want to shoot myself for this.

I can't believe I allowed the heiling to take place. I talk about how I don't want to cause drama in photoshoots and how I don't allow such things, but I did allow it. And I participated. I'm hating myself for allowing the Nazi salute to be involved in the shoot, despite all I say to avoid such controversy. Of all things to display, this was the worst. Even before the con I had even stated that if there was questionable material that someone wanted in a photoshoot, then it would be best not to do it...And why I allowed it, I don't know. I supposed I just lost my head and was caught up in the moment. For this, I am beyond sorry. I can't think of any other way to say this.

I did not know this until just now. I'm not from the Boston area, so I was not aware. The shoot had been moved while I was heading down to it.

I would like to send out my most sincerest apologies. Like, I'm so horrified. I didn't know, really. And I just feel awful that this happened. I'm so sorry everyone. I don't know if there's anything I can do to repent for this, but, I really feel terrible.

It was such a stupid thing to do, and really, I can't stress this enough. I'm so sorry. I really, really didn't know. I can't believe this happened, and it's just, something that's like unbelievable. I wish someone had said something to me or the other girl working the shoot and said that this was near a Holocaust memorial so we could have moved elsewhere. I just feel so terrible. 

I almost want to the whole city of Boston right now to apologize for this whole mess. The least I can do for now is try and apologize the best I can to the Hetalia fandom. I really don't know what else to say but I'm sorry and I honestly did NOT know. I'm beating myself up for this. I wish I knew, I really do. I just don't know what else to say, but I'm sorry. This was so out of line, and I did something horrible to the fandom. But I didn't mean to. I was absolutely oblivious to the fact that there was such a memorial nearby. If someone had just told me that it was a bad move, I would have moved this somewhere else, we could have crammed into a smaller location like one of the alleys, or one of the alcoves in the Hynes.

But please, I don't know what to do. All I can think of is to continue apologizing until the cows come home. I did not mean for the fandom to be viewed so poorly. I've got absolutely nothing against the Jewish faith, I'm not a Neo-Nazi. I love equality, and I feel like my message was botched during this damn photoshoot.

I'm so sorry everyone, I've always seen myself as such a good fan, and I've let everyone down, just because I was oblivious to this. That's all I can say. I'm sorry.

A small edit: I know that it does appear that I seem to be more apologetic about the location of the shoot rather than the action. But after thinking more on it, the action is making me more and more upset to the points where words can no longer convey the anxiety.

I want to thank those of you who are telling me that it's okay now, and the fandom doesn't hate me, and that they understand that I didn't mean any harm by this. If I knew it wouldn't make things so much more explosive and bring things to a national level, I would write an apology to the city of Boston. As far as I know, the crowd of cosplayers at the shoot was so big that very few people on the street below even saw this. I can't take back what I did, but I can continue to offer my sincere apologies.

To the messages I've been receiving privately and on here telling me to grow up, you know, I think my immaturity for allowing this to happen is where that need to grow up lies. Out of the entire group in that picture, I came forward and apologized. I knew it was wrong, and that in itself to me is one way of growing up. Yes, I did stupid shit at AnimeNext too, but I apologized then, and I shall apologize now. I've done some stupid shit. I'm owning up to it. There's a difference between brushing off the fact that someone has offended thousands of people, and admitting what you've done wrong. The first shows ignorance, the second shows something that others are calling admirable. I'm not trying to pat myself on the back here, but I am trying to make things better.

I'm trying my best to keep up with all the comments now to apologize to each person individually, but it's taking a bit of a toll at this point. I truly am sorry for all that I cause. Over all, as I'm looking back on this, the salute was the absolute stupidest thing to allow. Thank you for telling me I can stop beating myself up, but I'm still going to.

I am not going to stop cosplaying Hetalia. I'm going to mostly-retire my Prussia cosplay, but I'm going to continue cosplaying it and continue organizing shoots and panels. I'm going to improve on this. I'm going to make things so much better. I'll do what I can to redeem myself, however huge an act it may be. I am now working to fix things, make it all better--however I can. It was the dumbest thing for me to allow a salute like that. I never allowed it, and here I am, trying to make amends for letting it be seen in a public place giving the fandom a bad name.

Thank you everyone who is granting me forgiveness. To those who have not, I don't blame you. And to those who can grant forgiveness for my stupidity, but not the action, I agree with you even more.

I'm going to continue to apologize for this as long as I can, and I hope others learn from my mistake. In the future, I hope that we will never see something this extreme surface again.

So again, everyone: Thank you, and I'm so sorry.
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